


A Right Wrong Number

by phantasticphun



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Dan goes on a date with another guy but realizes he's not interested, Flirting, Getting Together, M/M, Swearing, Wrong Number AU, mild sexual references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:13:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28212972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phantasticphun/pseuds/phantasticphun
Summary: Dan texts the wrong number after going on a date. Lucky for him, the wrong number is a kind man named Phil. And then they keep texting.Written for fictropes for the 2020 Phandom Holiday Gift Exchange!
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 16
Kudos: 63
Collections: Phandom Holiday Gift Exchange 2020





	A Right Wrong Number

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Fictropes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fictropes/gifts).



When Dan wakes up, he’s a little hungover. His head hurts and the light from the windows is a little too bright. He feels like a total wreck if he isn’t going to lie. Flopping onto the other side of his pillow and re-ruffling the sheets in order to fall back asleep sounds like a really good idea right about now. He can tell it’s late, though, by the sun streaming in and the noise outside. He grumbles and decides, if his plans are to be a somewhat functioning person for the day, he needs to get up.

He flings the sheet and duvet off and shivers. It was so nice and warm under the covers and he debates about snuggling back in and forgetting any plans. He knows he shouldn’t, though, so he gets up and waddles over to his wardrobe, grabs whatever comfy clothes he sees first, and heads to the bathroom.

When he sees himself in the mirror, he gasps out an, “oh my  _ god _ ” and cackles. Dan runs his fingertips over the marks on his neck in disbelief, almost. He looks absolutely debauched-- his curls are a frizzy mess, the dark circles around his eyes are darker than they’ve been on some of his worst days, and the hickeys just complete the look. He definitely remembers Derrell, no,  _ Derek _ , making out with him last night. He was apparently too out of it for the whole neck-sucking portion to be anything but a fuzzy, dream-like sort of sequence in his brain right now, though.

He fills a little bathroom cup with water, takes his bottle of aspirin out of the cabinet, and swallows two in an attempt to calm his persistent headache. While trying to remember the events of the previous night, he relieves himself, takes a nice, hot shower, gets dressed, brushes his teeth, and combs his wet hair. Things aren’t all quite there, but he remembers one thing for sure: Derek wanted him. Dan liked that feeling. People don’t seem to want him all that often. And Dan’s pretty sure that Derek wrote his number down on a little scrap of yellow paper. And he knows Derek was a nice guy and respected that Dan didn’t want to go any further than make out while drunk, so he wants to text him.

Once he gets out of the bathroom. Dan goes straight back into his bedroom. Although tempting, he doesn’t just flop back down into the bed. He walks to the bedside table and lifts his phone. 11:42 AM. The paper isn’t anywhere on or in the table, it seems. He checks his wallet; he sat that on his dresser last night, apparently. When it’s not there either, he frowns.

Dan spots his crumpled jeans in a pile on the floor and in a last attempt, flops down to sit. He digs around in the pockets and, in the back left one, he finds a little crumpled piece of yellow paper.

The handwriting is just about legible. It’s actually quite neat, neater than what he’d expect from a tipsy Derrell.  _ Derek. _ Derek.

He stands up from the floor, paper in hand, and sits on the edge of his bed. In a dangerous sort of flirty confidence, Dan grabs and opens his phone, goes to his texts, enters the number, and sends the first thing that comes to mind.

_ Dan: _

i had a really great time last night

think i’ll have the marks for a while heh

i’d def be willing to do this sort of thing again if you wanted. like go out again i mean. no making out required heh

And now he waits. A nervous sort of anticipation buzzes under his skin. He can sort of see the two of them going someplace. Sure, he can’t really remember his name (although he’s almost positive it’s Derek… maybe) and he can hardly remember any character traits except for, well, decent and kind enough, but maybe their first-date-turned-makeout-session could turn into a funny story in the future. Like, at Christmas parties with the family or something.

He cringes at the thought. Well, maybe not  _ that. _

When he sees the three little dots in response appear, his heart seems to jump into his throat. He doesn’t know why he’s feeling this way, he didn’t feel like this getting ready for the date last night or even when they decided to go back to Derrell’s place--  _ Derek’s _ place. It feels like the start of something new now, though.

If Dan’s heart was in his throat before, his heart drops into his stomach when he sees the response.

_??: _

Sorry who is this?

_ Dan: _

it’s dan

_??: _

I’m sorry I don’t think I know a Dan

_ Dan: _

uh we met last night?

Dan looks back down at the crumpled paper in his hand and then up at the number at the top of his screen. He’s almost positive he has the right number. It looks like the right number, at least. Maybe Derek just doesn’t remember his name. Dan doesn’t remember Derrell’s name, after all. Derek’s name. Whatever.

_ Dan: _

we went on a date? 

holy shit this is derek right?

_??: _

No? Sorry mate I think you’ve got the wrong number. My name’s Phil

_ Dan: _

fuck. sorry.

uhhh have a nice day sorry

He clicks off his phone and decides that that interaction is just inevitably going to be a cringe attack in six years. He flops over onto his pillow and takes another look at the paper. That could be an eight or a nine or a zero, he supposes. Maybe. Then, he hears another buzz from his phone.

_ Phil: _

Hey do you like dogs?

_ Dan: _

what sort of crazy person doesn’t like dogs

_ Phil: _

Idk, figured I’d ask

And then, Phil sends a picture of an incredibly fluffy golden corgi. Dan’s face cracks open into a grin and he responds.

_ Dan: _

OH A GOOD BOY

what’s his name?

_ Phil: _

Idk it’s not my dog

_ Dan: _

Not your dog??

Dan quirks an eyebrow and snorts.

_ Dan: _

Unfortunate

_ Phil: _

I have a fish though

_ Dan: _

I think fish and dogs are quite different

Phil sends a picture of a little blue fish. He’s sitting on a small plastic leaf; Dan didn’t know fish do that.

_ Dan: _

please tell me that’s your fish

_ Phil: _

Yes it is. His name is Norman. He’s a betta.

_ Dan: _

norman. lol. like norman bates?

_ Phil: _

Yeah actually

_ Dan: _

wait wtf is your fish a murderer?

_ Phil: _

I mean bettas can get territorial and violent but not really no

I was just watching Bates’ Motel and liked the name

_ Dan: _

liked the name for a fish lmao

_ Phil: _

Look animals with human names is peak comedy

_ Dan: _

i mean yeah

_ Phil: _

So have you tried any numbers around mine? Could the nine be an eight or something?

Dan gets a very mild kind of whiplash when Phil suddenly changes the topic of conversion, but he responds the best he can.

_ Dan: _

not yet. i guess i should try huh

_ Phil: _

Yeah go ahead!

And so Dan follows the stranger’s command and tries three other possible numbers. He doesn’t say anything incriminating with the first texts as he did to Phil, just a simple “hi it’s dan, i was wondering if this is derek?” 

He really, really hopes the guy’s name is Derek and not Derrell.

_ Phil: _

So have you done that?

_ Dan: _

yeah. no responses yet though

_ Phil: _

I’d give it some time

_ Dan: _

ofc

_ Phil: _

This might be a little… weird

Dan’s eyebrows scrunch together in concern. He really hopes he’s not about to see a penis or something.

(Actually, if it was a  _ nice _ penis…)

_ Phil: _

I couldn’t help but notice that you said you were on a date with a guy last night

I’m not trying to make a move or anything but I don’t know that many mlm and I just wanted to say hi i’m gay

I know that’s weird, sorry

Dan’s concern turns into a soft kind of smile.

_ Dan: _

no that’s not weird!! nice to meet you fellow gay!

Okay, yeah, he regrets that phrasing.

_ Dan: _

tbh i don’t have a lot of gay friends. I’m not really out to my family or coworkers though so that might make things a little different for me

_ Phil: _

oh i’m out but it’s more that everyone found out and less that I actually told people

i’m actually pretty good with the whole gay-thing, though

I just wish I could find a guy to be gay with you know?

_ Dan: _

Oh I know

Why do you think I got drunk on a first date and let him suck hickeys all over my neck?

I’m pretty desperate 

_ Phil: _

lol 

And, yeah, Dan agrees, it’s a pretty laugh-out-loud situation. 

They talk for a little while more, discussing random small-talk topics like the weather and how Dan wishes he could have some sort of pet in the future. It’s almost been an hour when the conversation wraps up. His headache is gone.  


_ Phil: _

Hey I’ve got to go now but it was nice talking to you. Good luck finding Derek!

_ Dan: _

bye!

Dan sort of forgot he was supposed to be texting someone else. Derek, apparently. Hm, he’s pretty sure his name was Derrell, anyway, and Dan’s not sure if trying to hunt him down is even worth it anymore. The three other numbers he tried came up with no response and although a total stranger, he has to admit to himself that talking to Phil was fun.

He tries not to dwell on the situation too much longer. He’ll probably never text Phil again and he was just on one date with Derek (no, Derrell?) anyway. Lots of first dates don’t work out, he tells himself.

It’s 1:07 PM. He’s hungry. He needs to eat something.

~

Dan can’t stop thinking about him. Not Derrell. Phil. All Dan really knows about him is that his name is Phil, his phone number has a London area code, and he’s gay. Oh, he has a fish named Norman, too. He could be sixty years old, although Dan doubts it, or he could be sixteen, which seems slightly more likely but he  _ hopes _ he wasn’t talking to a teenager earlier.

Dan could use a friend, that’s all. (Or a boyfriend, but he can’t bank on Phil, a total stranger, to be interested in him like  _ that _ . He doesn’t even know the guy. Although, he supposes, he might know Derek even less.)

~

When Dan wakes up to a text the next morning, he’s astonished.

It’s from Phil: a picture of a bowl of Crunchy Nut cereal and the caption “the breakfast of champions.”

Dan smiles, wipes the sleep from his eyes, and opens the phone immediately.

_ Dan: _

a champion you are, eh?

_ Phil: _

And Yoda you are?

_ Dan: _

😡

_ Phil: _

Aw don’t be mad. To answer your question… no not a champion. I just like the cereal

_ Dan: _

but you claimed the breakfast was for champions

_ Phil: _

Do you consider a radio presenter a champion?

Dan quirks an eyebrow and smirks. New information about Phil has been unlocked.

_ Dan: _

a radio presenter? like a dj?

_ Phil: _

On Radio 1 yeah

_ Dan: _

that’s so cool?!?!?

_ Phil: _

Thanks but not actually

And clearly I’m not the only one who thinks the interrobang should become more widespread

_ Dan: _

ok maybe it’s not so cool to you, but I just write words for a living

and wtf is an interrobang

_ Phil: _

You’re an author?

If you’re an author you should know what an interrobang is. It’s like a ! and ? had a baby

_ Dan: _

ah you’ve expanded my punctuational horizons phil

but anyway i’m a journalist more right now. i do lots of video game and music reviews, but i’m working on a book too. hasn’t been picked up yet, though

_ Phil: _

that’s seriously amazing

Dan debates about deflecting it, but decides just to go along. Phil makes him believe for a second that his job is actually kind of cool.

_ Dan: _

aw thanks

so why is djing not the coolest?

_ Phil: _

Just like I’ve been there for quite a lot of years, now, even if I was just part-time at the beginning. I do a few shifts a week usually during the day sometime and shuffle paperwork when I’m not on the air. Don’t really do special events or anything though. A lot of my coworkers have their own radio shows with bunches of famous guests and they all go to festivals together but I just sort of… lol phil in

_ Dan: _

well what would you like to do? really

_ Phil: _

I went to school for film. Post-production technically.

Linguistics, too, but that was mostly because I didn’t know what I was doing

That’s why I know that the interrobang is an extremely logical form of punctuation

My dream is to be a director, but I know that won’t happen

_ Dan: _

i’m typically not known as the most optimistic of people but it could

_ Phil: _

🤷🏻♂️

Well, I’m off to work

Have fun writing today Mr. author!

Dan has a feeling he probably won’t be doing too much writing. He’ll probably be doing some cyber-stalking, honestly. Phils from the BBC shouldn’t be too large of a group, right?

~

Turns out, there are quite a few guys named Phil who work at the BBC. Also, he figured he could find some sort of directory to look through and narrow down options or something, but that apparently doesn’t exist. Since Phil’s not big at the events or festivals, he can’t find much in articles, either. 

After admittedly far too much time and a little too much stalker-like behavior, Dan gives up and figures Phil will just have to tell things about himself naturally. Dan’s grumbles turn into a laugh. What’s the internet even for if not to find information about a guy you don’t want to admit you’re sort of crushing on? He still doesn’t know if Phil is sixty. He can rule out sixteen, now; sixteen-year-olds don’t work jobs as DJs on Radio 1. At least Dan doesn’t think they do.

He opens a work document. Dan yawns and decides he’s definitely a little tired. Phil woke him up early this morning, but he can’t even hate him for that.

~

The next day, Dan finishes his work early and decides to load up his Switch to play some Animal Crossing. He needs the pastel colors and wholesome virtual friends right about now. He had to write a review for one of the worst albums he’s heard in a while now. Dan tends to appreciate all sorts of music, but he’s not sure who can appreciate  _ that _ .

His island’s name is called Danando’s. If he ever says that to someone they never get it, but he thinks he’s funny.

(It’s named after the Isle of Fernando’s on  _ Take Me Out _ , he always explains.)

There’s a rainbow arched over the blue virtual sky. He poses his little character and does his happy flowery reaction, then takes both a screenshot and a picture of the screen on his phone. It looks a little wonky, but he wants to send it to Phil anyway.

_ Dan: _

It’s a particularly gay day on Danando’s today

Phil’s response is almost immediate.

_ Phil: _

lol Danando’s. Good.

Dan smiles to himself. Of course Phil would get it.

Then, Phil’s little dots appear again. Dan waits for him to continue.

Dan looks back down at his Switch and heads into the Able Sisters shop, hoping for some new cute clothes. He heads directly into the dressing room and flicks down the items. Eventually, he feels his phone buzz against his leg and he opens it up.

Phil has sent two pictures. The first one is similar to Dan’s own Animal Crossing picture, except it’s raining on poor Phil’s island. 

The second one, well, is a picture of a guy. He’s smiling and holding up his own Switch. He looks awfully familiar, and for a second, Dan thinks they went to the same school or something.

_ Phil: _

You think we look similar?

_ Dan: _

YOU’RE AMAZINGPHIL?!?!?!?!

_ Phil: _

lmao yeah I was

Do I look similar to my character though? The quiff’s not quite right but...

_ Dan: _

wait wait wait WAIT

look you’re meaning to tell me that i’ve been texting my teenage wet dream this WHOLE TIME

oh wait fuck i shouldn’t have said that

_ Phil: _

Lol I guess you watched my videos back in the day, then?

_ Dan: _

watched your videos, holy fuck

i was like phil trash #1

i used to dream about meeting you 

now you get to know how much of a loser i was

actually i mean i’m still a loser but

Dan is blushing and his heart is beating crazy quickly. He can’t believe it.  _ He can’t believe it. _ And, sure, he’s acting like a total creep but at this point, Dan can’t be bothered to care.

_ Phil: _

Dan you aren’t a loser

I mean like honestly it’s very funny that you happen to know who I am though

It’s how I got the radio job though, and when YouTube wasn’t paying the bills, I had to sacrifice something you know?

_ Dan: _

sorry i’m being SO weird

lol animal crossing really started this huh

_ Phil: _

No, Derek started this

_ Dan: _

oh my god yeah derek

can i tell you a secret?

_ Phil: _

Yeet

_ Dan: _

i can’t remember if his name was derek or derrell. i haven’t remembered since i woke up the day after the date

_ Phil: _

Omg DAN

_ Dan: _

look! but i haven’t forgotten your name once!

_ Phil: _

I’m flattered

Now can I tell you a secret?

Dan’s stomach flips like he's a giddy teenager.

_ Dan: _

yeah

_ Phil: _

Since we’ve started texting, even though we hardly know each other (well I guess you vaguely know like 22-year-old me), I’ve kept thinking about you.

So Dan decides to flirt in the silliest way possible. He’s done a lot of awfully stupid things in his life, but he feels he is free to be stupid around Phil. He checks that Derek’s meaningless hickeys are faded enough, gets his little Animal Crossing boy to the beach, poses him again, and then takes a picture similar to Phil’s one earlier.

_ Dan: _

ok but do WE look similar? don’t think you’ll recognise me though and then have a fanboy heart attack

Dan sends the message and hopes for the best. The past few minutes have been so, so strange. It feels like it’s all been a very weird dream. Phil is typing a message and Dan practically holds his breath. His phone buzzes in his hand.

_ Phil: _

Okay but frankly?

You’re cute. I’ve loved texting you, although it’s really only been a little bit

Wanna go out sometime?

And his heart hammers in his chest harder than it did when he was attempting to text Derrell that first time. His stomach swoops again, he looks down at the Switch beside him and grins as a villager passes, and he feels like a warm mush. The phone trembles in his hands as he types his response.

_ Dan: _

yes phil, i’d love to

He’s sitting on his couch and smiling like a total idiot. There’s another buzz.

_ Phil: _

Okay but can I mark you up like Derek/Derrell did?

Dan laughs.

_ Dan: _

we don’t even have to go back to your place. when you see me, just come up and suck on my neck.

_Phil:_   


Ok 😈

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! As always, comments and kudos are appreciated!
> 
> Find me on Tumblr: [@PhantasticPhun](https://phantasticphun.tumblr.com)
> 
> Once again, this was written for [@Fictropes](https://fictropes.tumblr.com/) for the 2020 Phandom Holiday Gift Exchange. Also, if you saw me posting late for my own event, no you didn't :)


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